For the first time in a while, math scores for US schoolchildren have gone down.  Pow.  Idiots.  Pick on Generation X all you want, but we didn’t fail the nation like today’s children.  Perhaps a little more studying and a little less video games on the cell phone you don’t need anyway.  Well, except your phone has a tracking device so your mom and dad can know your whereabouts at all times just in case you find a situation you can’t deal with and they have to swoop in and save you.

Meanwhile, in Scandinavia they are doing math like crazy people.  I assume this math aptitude is due directly to their undiluted Viking blood.  Or maybe they just make kids do their math homework.  At one time, all of Europe trembled at the prospect of being set upon by Nordic invaders.  These Northern barbarian hordes swooped down upon the continent wreaking havoc, pillaging and destroying and trying to teach a little trigonometry on the way.  Those that assimilated improved their math skills dramatically.  Others, chafing under the yoke of algebraic terminology, eventually left for the New World where they could pursue happiness and be as ignorant as they saw fit.

Speaking of ignorant, I watched the highlights of the last Republican debate.  Epic Fail.  Next time, I suggest a math contest.  At least we will see who has Scandinavian ancestry.  That is something to build on.  The winner could wear one of those helmets with the horns coming out the sides until the next debate.  I’m just throwing some ideas out there.

I read something interesting on the Internet the other day.  Michelangelo, a man of many ideas, hardly ever bathed or changed his clothes.  Apparently, he wore the same boots so often that when he finally decided to take them off the skin from his feet came off with them.  Ouch!  I understand that Michelangelo lived an artist’s lifestyle, but that seems a bit extreme.  And stinky.  Though pretty much everyone stunk in those days.  Deodorant had not been invented yet.  I wonder if Michelangelo was at least good at math.  I believe he was left handed.  Though, he was also Italian, which may cancel the whole left handed thing out.

Anyway, back to our children’s math failure.  I don’t want to be a downer, but I will eventually grow old and be dependent on you people.  And I don’t want you screwing up my dosage because you couldn’t pay attention in math class.  It’s not that hard.  If you study a little bit, you can all get a little horned helmet as well.

Yes, you all can have one.  Even if you fail your test.