Oh, Siri, where would we be without you?  All we do is ask you questions all day.  What was the longest NFL field goal ever?  How old is Emilio Estevez?  What is Kelly LeBrock doing these days?  How do I get rid of this rash?

And what do you do?  You answer them all.  You have become our goddess of knowledge- all knowing, all seeing, all powerful.  I can barely remember what life was like without you.  My stepson, all of eight years old, is reliant upon you for all of life’s questions.  The other day he asked me how babies are made.  I told him that I would tell him in a few years.  But the little moppet didn’t want to wait.  So, he asked you.  And you would have told him, provided he had been able to phrase the question properly.  Instead, he was forced to ask you if he was awesome.  “That is an interesting question,” you replied.  You can be so sweet sometimes.

Being old school, I prefer to type my questions in the search box.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you.  I do.  It’s just that I’m a little uncomfortable getting my information from a disembodied female voice.  Like I say, I’m old-fashioned.  I also watched 2001: A Space Odyssey (not to mention I, Robot).  I guess it would be safe to say that I fear you a little bit.  But it is a good kind of fear.  Please don’t be angry.

It’s just that I wonder where you are.  You see, the other day my stepson asked this very question.  “I am everywhere you are,” you replied.  I don’t want to tell you what to do.  But that is plain creepy.  My stepson wasn’t bothered by it.  Then again, he thinks that you are infallible.  Sometimes, I wonder.  I suppose I could just ask you.

I also have other questions.  Am I awesome?  Also, is WIFI dangerous.  I mean, aren’t there little electrical signals passing through us all day.  That doesn’t sound safe.

I have these questions, but I won’t ask them.  I’m a child of Google Search.  And Google is a jealous god.  But not as bad as Bing.  Bing has a real chip on his shoulder.

I think it’s the stupid name.