Do you know the song “Teenage Wasteland?”  No, you don’t.  It’s not called “Teenage Wasteland.”  It is called “Baba O’Reilly.”  Apparently, that was the Who’s way of being artsy.  I find it rather irritating myself.  I guess the name was a combination of the names of a couple of gurus.  That was in a time when there were a lot of gurus around.  Like Charles Manson.  All gurus, it seems, are not equal.

Anyway, a “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” is another nonsense title masquerading as art.  The song should be called “Rat in a Cage.”  But it isn’t, mostly because Billy Corgan is a pompous ass.  Have you seen Billy Corgan lately?  He is still bald, except now he has the body of a seasoned softball player.  He should also put away the Chuck Taylor’s.  They aren’t cool if you can’t see them past your expansive abdomen.  Billy has parted ways with the rest of the Smashing Pumpkins.  Broken to pieces is that band.  However, Billy has reassembled some new Pumpkins. They are all young and hip and very much admirers of Billy.  As Billy fashions himself as some sort of Svengali, I am sure this situation suits him very well.  Interestingly, Svengali is just another word for guru.  It may not seem like it, but all of these posts have a plan.  You just have to feel them.  Don’t worry, I will show you the way.

Speaking of guru type folk, you don’t see as much crazy religious death cult action as you used to.  Sure, people throw around the phrase “drink the Koolaid” all the time, but how many of them know who Jim Jones was?  Damn few, I’ll guarantee you that.  For a while there, these guys were all over the place.  David Koresh in Waco.  The guys in the Nikes who killed themselves so the aliens could transport them away.  Billy Graham.

Did you know that Billy Graham is still alive?  He must have made a deal with Satan.  I can’t see another explanation.  Unless he was with the Nike aliens for a while and then they dropped him back off.  I don’t blame them if this is the case.  He is annoying as hell.  Of course, the aliens could have given us a break and dropped him off somewhere else.  Venus, for example.  I guess it’s a case of you raised him, you deal with him.

I wonder if these aliens know the aliens who made the pyramids?  I suppose it is possible that they are one in the same.  Of course, Ben Carson doesn’t believe aliens had anything to do with the pyramids.  He says that Joseph built them as elaborate, artistically pleasing grain bins.  And you said the Jews had no style.

You know what would be a good name for a band? Nike Aliens. Their first single could be “Jumpstart Turtlehead.”  But it should really be called “Billy Loves Ben.”  Take a while to mull that one over.  You’ll get there.

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