My wife was on Facebook the other day when she sees a funny, little piece comparing Donald Trump to an orange.  Thieving Bastards!  That is my idea.  Look back a few posts you filchers of literary genius.  I should sue.  Except I am far too lazy to pursue a lawsuit.  Perhaps I will one day meet the perpetrator and punch him in the bean.  That is more my style and takes up a lot less time.  For time, my friend, is all that counts in the end.  Or so old people say.  Young people say “I have time to burn” and “dude.”  Did I ever mention how much I hate the word “dude?”  It is the kind of word you use if you steal other people’s material.  The next thing you know there will be an online satire comparing the German language to the sounds of flatulence.  Some people have no shame.

I also hate the words “conflated” and “patriotism.”  My second most hated sentence would be “the Industrial/Military complex conflates patriotism with national loyalty in order to dupe the masses into offering up the lives of their children for the advancement of a shadowy elite.”  My most hated sentence is “now we return to the Real Housewives of Orange County.”

Speaking of plagiarism, isn’t it about time for Hollywood to make another body switch movie?  You know the movie of which I speak.  After a freak event (such as a lightning strike or strange meeting with a gypsy) an adult finds themselves in the body of a child and the child finds themselves in the body of the adult.  Mayhem ensues.  And both of them learn a valuable lesson about the problems that both of them face. A terrible variation of this theme – which is saying something- is the movie the Hot Chick where a teenage girl switches bodies with a 30 something criminal played by Rob Schneider.  I shuddered as I wrote those words.  I also realize I was incorrect relative to my most hated sentence.  Nothing could be worse than “tonight’s movie is the Hot Chick featuring SNL’s own Rob Schneider.”  Everything is relative I suppose.

In other interesting news, scientists have actually verified gravity waves.  I’m sure this probably means nothing to you.  But keep using all the technology made possible by these same scientists.  Ungrateful primitive.  Your phone is not a tiny, magic box.  Somebody actually employed the laws of physics to enable you to sext your old high school girlfriend.  She’s married, you know.  Plus, nobody looks good in Crocs.  Which, by the way, are made of plastic that was created by scientists from the corpses of tiny, primordial sea creatures.

Something to think about.  Unless you are the one who stole my Trump-as-Orange idea.