Recently, a wolverine was spotted in North Dakota.  Amazingly, it was the first confirmed wolverine in the state in 150 years.  This wolverine was then summarily executed by a local rancher.  Pow Pow Pow.

“I told you to stay exterminated, varmint!” the rancher cried before pulling the trigger.

The tourism board of North Dakota had no comment to the concerned wolverine community.

In other animal news, visitors to Yellowstone Park put a bison calf in their car.  I guess they thought the calf was cold.  They took it to the park rangers who looked at the people in bewilderment.

“WTF?” they asked.

“The little guy looked cold,” replied the tourists.

“It is a bison,” the rangers answered.

“A cold one.”

The rangers tried to take the calf back to the herd where it belonged.  Unfortunately, the mother of the calf would not accept it back.  Caveat Emptor, I suppose.  Worse, the calf seemed to have gained a liking for human beings.  It kept walking up to people and sauntering across the road in front of traffic.  What a  stupid bison.  Perhaps its brain had frozen a bit prior to its being saved.  Anyway, the rangers finally shot the bison calf.

On a nearby mountain, the ghost of a long dead railroad magnate watched.  When the bison calf went down, the ghost sang out with glee.  “I told you to stay exterminated, varmint!”

Then he turned to his friend, the ghost of a long dead Cavalry colonel.  “So, whatcha’ doing for the afternoon?”

The Cavalry ghost shrugged and twisted his long, blond specter mustache.  “Don’t rightly know.  Maybe we can go on down to the reservation.  There could be a car accident or overdose or somethin’.”

“There are still Injuns about?  Tarnation!  What in the hell has happened to the world.  It’s overrun with varmints these days.”

“You don’t know the half of it.  You should see who they are lettin’ into the bathroom.”

“What’s a bathroom?” said a long dead settler.  He pinched a ghost louse from his greasy ghost hair and held it out for inspection.

The ghost Calvary man pulled his pistol from his belt.  Then he remembered he couldn’t kill somebody who was already dead.  “This is most frustratin’,” he said.

“What?” the ghost settler said.  “Hey, what’s that?”  The former farmer phantom pointed movement in a thicket behind them.

The railroad magnate spirit squinted at the brush.  “It looks like a damned wolverine.  That mangy thing looks like it walked all the way from the Dakota territory.”

The three ghosts watched as the wolverine walked past them.  The wolverine seemed like it was in a bad mood.

“I hate those damned things,” said the Calvary ghost.  “I kilt everyone I ever seen.”

The wolverine stopped and turned to the Calvary ghost.  It snarled and leapt toward the crotch of the military specter.

“Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” screamed the ghost as the dead wolverine clamped down on the apparitions testicles.  “Aiiiieeeeeee!!!”

On the road below, an RV pulled to the side of the road.  Two tourists got out.  They looked very concerned.

“What do you think that was?” the husband asked.

“I think it was that bison calf in the meadow, screaming in pain.”

“Oh, no.  We should save it,” replied the husband.

“WTF,” said the bison calf.