Did you ever wonder what happened to Jeff Gilloly?  Well, a guy named Jeff Stone killed him.  I mean this in the figurative sense.  Jeff changed his last name in order to start a new chapter in his life.  I guess you could say he is kind of like Darth Vader and I am kind of like Obi Wan Kenobi.  And you are a Jawa.  With a limp and coke bottle glasses.  It would have been extra cool if Jeff would have changed his name to Anakin Skywalker.  I guess he didn’t think of it.  Then again, how smart can a guy who dated Tonya Harding be?  (Before you go picking on Tonya, you should know that she saved an 81 year old woman in a casino by giving the old lady mouth-to-mouth. Pow pow pow.  Right in the kisser.  Literally.)

Anyway, I watched a Tonya Harding documentary the other day.  It turns out that I am glad Gilloly had a henchman hit Nancy Kerrigan’s knee.  He should have clubbed her in the mouth and helped her with that overbite.  “Why?  Why?  Why?”  Shut up, rich chick.  Power to the people.  Say what you will, but Tonya Harding is the one and only trailer park girl to ever be a nationally known figure skater.  She was a poor boxer, however.  I would have figured otherwise.

If you are still curious, Jeff “Anakin Skywalker” Stone is an used car salesman.  He also shaved his mustache and is pretty bald.  Honestly, he isn’t very menacing.  It makes you wonder what would happened if someone had stolen into Hitler’s room in 1938 and shaved off his mustache.  “Why? Why? Why?” Hitler would have said.  “Who has shaven my mustache?  Whoooo?”

I always wondered if Charlie Chaplin could have sued Hitler.

Speaking of things past, it turns out that the Smurfs came from a Belgian comic book.  That explains much.  First the waffles and then some little blue spritelings.  I hate waffles, too.  Maybe if they were sprinkled with blue bits of Smurf I would find them more palatable.  Get me some Smurfyrup and some Smurfeggs and bacon.  A right tasty meal.  I could take a tire iron to the leg of that cartoon artist, though.  Whack!  Whack!  Nice mustache, Waffle Boy.

Sometimes I get nostalgic.  What can I say?  Kato Kaelin is still alive.  And he is still an asshole.  Some things never change.  Perhaps he should change his name to Gilloly.  And get a sex change.  Kay Kay Gilloly and Caitlin Jenner host Whatever Happened to Them?! on Fox.  That show would get some undies in a bunch.  So to speak.

I also don’t understand why O.J. didn’t take care of Kay Kay while he was decapitating people.  At least that would have been a mitigating circumstance.

By the way, if you don’t know who Jeff Gilloly or Kato Kaelin are, I dislike you thoroughly.  Ask Siri.  I’m not explaining it to you.

Stupid coke bottle glasses wearing, limping, waffle eating Jawa.