The British are not coming.  Ever again.  They opted out of the EU.  Technically, they really didn’t.  They merely held a referendum of the people on whether they should leave the EU.  Basically no one thought they would actually leave.  It is kind of like the guy who tells his wife that she knows where the door is if she wants out of the marriage.  And then she finds the door.  In this example, the wife is very pallid with not very good teeth.  So maybe the husband is happy she left.  I don’t know.  Some people are into crooked teeth.  Pretty much the whole of Appalachia.  Reportedly.  I haven’t been there.  Since watching Wrong Turn I have no desire to do so.

The movie Wrong Turn could, now that I think of it, be a metaphor for the Brexit.  You see, all of the United Kingdom is in a car (imagine a Prius with a bunch of heads sticking out the windows).  And this car is driving along a rural road and not really paying attention to much other than checking their cell phone to see what the Kardashians are up to when all of the sudden they are on a gravel road and their cell phone service is gone and a bunch of giant inbred cannibals are chasing them through the woods.

“Holy shit!” the wayward islanders scream.  “This is a bit of a kerfuffle.”

Kerfuffle, indeed.  Too bad for you, Percival.  Your head has just been lopped off by a strategically strung strand of barbed wire.  (As a side bar, did you notice the alliteration?  Literary genius, I tell you.  What?  You don’t know what alliteration means?  Are you from Liverpool? Loser.)

Mary runs through the forest.  She is dressed like her favorite Spicegirl.  I don’t know- Posh Spice, let’s say.  And now her leg is caught in a bear trap.  And here comes old Lester Turnbuckle, salivating at the thought of an exotic meal.

Right before Mary gets it, she yells out, “I didn’t even know what the fucking EU was!”

This scene provides a segue back to the Brexit vote.  For, you see, the day following the vote to leave the EU was dominated a Google search.  What was the search?  You guessed it.  What is the EU?  Apparently, many of the people voting for the Brexit didn’t even know what the European Union was.  They just voted Leave.  It seemed like a good thing to do and they were bored.  Hahahaha, United Kingdom.  You might be even dumber than Americans.  You are the lowest of the low.  USA!  USA!  USA!  In your buccaneer face, Brits.  Pow.  Pow.  Pow.

Yes, I know Trump is the presumptive Republican candidate for President.  I’m just trying to provide a distraction.  Like Penn and Teller.  If only they could make Trump disappear into the ether.  What a trick that would be.  Poof!  And only his hairpiece remains.

Anyway, people in the UK are starting to panic a bit.  I’m talking about the ones who knew what the European Union was before the Brexit vote.  The other ones are drunk and lamenting the loss of England to Iceland in soccer.  Did you watch that match?  Mighty Thor did.  And he was pleased.

“Icelannnndddddd!!!”  Thor roared as he slammed his mighty Hammer into the ground.  The earth and heavens shook.  The Icelandic crowd did a cool, clapping them.  And said, “Ommm, Ommm.”  With an Umlaut.

Meanwhile, back in the United Kingdom, the good people were Googling on their phones.  Where is Iceland? 

And How do I escape from a backwoods cabin in West Virginia owned and operated by inbred cannibals?

I do not understand your question, says Siri.

“Goallllllllll!” says Thor.