I was watching synchronized diving the other day when I noticed something interesting.  The divers wear very tiny swim trunks.  In fact, I was about six the last time I had underwear that small.  Frankly, I don’t see why they can’t wear something a little less revealing.  I mean, who wants to see that?  Straight women and gay men I suppose.  As I don’t fall into either of those categories, I find their sportswear is a distraction from the event.  (This is known as pretending to care about something you really don’t to make a statement about something else that really isn’t your business.  I learned it from Fox News.)

Speaking of Fox News, I hear they have a little sexual harassment issue.  Let me be the first to say that I am utterly shocked, given the network’s general tenor towards women.  At least we don’t have to see Roger Alies in a Speedo.  Thank the Spaghetti Monster for small favors.  The Spaghetti Monster is a compassionate god- unlike his pal Yahweh who thinks turning women into pillars of salt is an appropriate punishment.  There is probably a connection somewhere in this paragraph, but damned if I can figure it out.  Maybe I should pay more attention.  Being exposed to the barely covered junk of other men has me discombobulated.

Of course, women are often forced to wear skimpy outfits.  Beach volleyball, for example.  I also think their outfits are ridiculous.  Not as ridiculous as the synchronized divers, but close enough for me to consider myself a moral person in the matter.  And if I learned anything in life, it is that self-justification is the basis for good mental health.

After all, do you think that Jolly Roger thinks he did anything wrong by sexual harassing women for decades?  Absolutely not.  He was just complimenting them.  Just trying to be nice.

And get in their pants- an action that he may also have construed as a favor.  Spin, after all, is the lifeblood of the truly successful news program.

Speaking of spinning, it appears that Roger is fond of asking women to spin around for him.  He wants to test their balance, no doubt.

“Wheeeeeeeee!!!” he says as they spin, clapping his fat hands, his pink tongue lolling lasciviously from his mouth.  That’s leadership.  Pow. Pow. Pow.  I hoped you Lazy Libtards have learned something.  “Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!”

“You’ve been promoted!  Wheeeeeeeee!!!”

“You’re so hot.  You’re so effing hot.”  Ooops.  Wrong Fox personality.

Anyway, the Chinese won the synchronized diving with the Americans taking the Silver.  The Chinese were a sight to behold.  Two very fit men wearing the tiniest of Speedos, balls and penises clearly outlined, twirling gracefully through the air and entering the pool with a gentle splash.  The aesthetics of the spectacle is difficult to describe in print.

It is a damn shame that we will have to wait four more years to see it again.