“And Woe Be it to Man, when the false prophets speak of deviltry amongst us.  And Woer Be it still Whence the juice box turneth against Us.  For no goeth forth and Multiply, but only dancing and the Weareth of Spangly garb and the wooing of those Who Should Not be wooed.  Remembereth, Wooed will equal the Woe.  And no juice boxes.”-    As told to the prophet MO by the Flying Spaghetti Monster (in a dream on a Friday after an extra Bloody Mary that the MO did not really want but drank anyway)

There is this guy named Alex Jones.  Have you heard of him?  If not, I will give you a bit of background.  Alex is a conservative pundit.  He says ridiculous, outrageous things.  This strategy is quite popular, not to mention lucrative.  Alex’s radio show has a larger audience than Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck combined.  Combined.  Pow Pow Pow.  If this does not frighten you, I have some tasty little morsels that may change your mind a tad.

Recently, Alex stated that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama smell like sulfur.  You know, the Devil’s stench.  I’m not sure how Alex knows this, but I can only assume that he has it on good authority.  Certainly, his many millions of viewers believe it to be true.  And, if Alex is wrong, what is the harm?  I mean Hillary and Obama might be the devil incarnate.  Though I’m not sure how one could explain their being in the same place at the same time.  I suppose it could be a camera trick.  The Dark One is a wicked smart trickster.  Look in the dictionary under the word “deception” and you are sure to see a picture of Mephistopheles.  (Also known as Lucifer or Old Scratch).  Regardless, those emails alone give some credence to Alex’s claims.  As for Obama, well, he is black you know.  Slowly turned to charcoal by the fires of hell, no doubt.  It frizzes their hair as well.  Not to mention the smell.  Phoeeeee!  Sulfur stinks.

Speaking of stinking, how about those homos?  Of course, some people want to give gay people an excuse.  Limp wristed liberals, mostly.  These people say that gay people are born that way.  They can’t help it.  Pffffff!  And another pffffff!  Obviously, these Libtards haven’t been listening to Alex Jones.  Alex says that our children are being turned gay by juice boxes.  Yes, you heard right.  Juice Boxes.  These square receptacles are made by a legion of demons whose sole responsibility is to turn all of humanity gay.  Why, you ask?  So that the human population dies out leaving the Earth to be inhabited by mutant, half man, half animals who are being created by evil scientists – scientists who have turned away from god and study things like DNA and Dr. Moreau.

And you thought the Bilderbergs were problematic.  That’s OK.  The MO is here to inform as well as entertain.  Alright.  I made that last part up.  The demons merely want the Earth for themselves, of course.

Anyway, you can help combat these threats to humanity.  First, never drink anything that comes in a box (and sure as hell don’t give any juice boxes to your kids).  Second, vote Trump.  He only smells like money.

And sometimes women’s privates.

Allegedly.