I was home watching television the other morning.  It was my intention to completely remove any vestige of intelligence from my head (Haha, why bother?  Funny one.  Did you know Trump was going to be president, jerkoff?  That should temper your enthusiasm for making fun of me.  Actually, that should probably temper your enthusiasm for most activities.  Though the Germans were happy for a while- up until 1943 or so.).  Anyway, where was I?  These damned asides.  Who do I think I am, Shakespeare?  Thinkest I am, rather.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.  Did you know that the Jerry Springer Show is still on?  Twenty five years and going strong.  I thought it was off the air fifteen years ago.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  In fairness, the show is exactly the same as it was in 1998.  First, Jerry talks to some trashy woman who doesn’t know if the child she is carrying is Leroy’s (Switch the camera to backstage where Leroy is waiting nervously.  Leroy is either a black guy with a gold tooth or a white guy with a neck tattoo.  It doesn’t really matter which.).  The woman says she hasn’t told her Baby’s Daddy because, gasp,  the Baby’s Daddy is also her brother-in-law.

“So, you’re telling me that you have been having sex with your sister’s husband?” Jerry asks, feigning surprise and indignation.  Did you know that Jerry Springer has said several times he would never watch his own show?  He says it isn’t for people like him.

The woman looks down.  “Yes, Jerry.  But she don’t treat him like she should.  She’s been hooking up with her husband’s best friend!”

Here is a twist we didn’t see.  Well, we saw it two weeks ago.  But you know what I am saying.

Jerry looks perplexed.  He walks out into the audience.  “So what you are telling me is that your sister, who is married to your Baby’s Daddy, is having sex with her husband’s best friend?”  Jerry rolls his eyes toward the audience.  The audience says “woooooooo.”  Jerry puts the microphone in the face of a pretty young college age woman.  “You got all of that?”

The woman laughs and stands up.  She points at the woman on stage.  “So you are having sex with your sister’s husband and she is a married woman having sex with his best friend?”  The pretty young college age woman shakes her head.  “You all are a couple of whores in your family.”

While this is obvious, the woman on stage takes great exception the audience member’s comment.  She stands and, wagging her finger for emphasis, lets loose with a string of expletives toward her accuser.  The accuser, along with the rest of the audience, laughs like hell.  The censor hits the “bleep” button like crazy.  Fun fact.  The “bleep” button is hit between 85 and 130 times on a typical Jerry Springer episode.  WTF?  At least Jerry keeps somebody working.

After a little small talk, Jerry says, “Let’s bring out the Baby’s Daddy, Leroy.”

Here comes Leroy looking sheepish.  The crowd boos.  The crowd always boos.  They are so negative.  The people on stage need validation and understanding.  But there is none coming from this pessimistic group.  Bastards.

Leroy makes up a bunch of stupid excuses.  After a while, Jerry tires of his rhetoric and then calls out Tammy Jo, the aggrieved wife/sister.  Tammy Jo is fighting mad.  You know how I know this?  Because she comes out swinging at Tammy Lynn, her duplicitous sibling.  This is something of a twist.  Generally, they head straight for the guy first.  I suppose it is just a matter of personal preference.  The crowd chants, “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…” and a ring bell dings.  Tammy Jo has Tammy Lynn by the hair.  Or is it Tammy Lynn who has Tammy Jo by the hair?

Then my brain oozed out of my ears.