On occasion, I read the Comments section of news articles.  This is an interesting exercise.  Certainly, it is a way to find out new information.  For example, only a week ago one commentator noted that black people smell.  I did not know this.  In fact, I never would have guessed.  I wondered if there could be any truth to it.  But then another commentator replied and wrote that it was true.  Black people do smell, confirmed this Southern gentleman.  “What the heavens?” says I.  The MO decided to investigate.

Almost immediately, I ran into two problems.  The first is that there aren’t very many black people where I live.  This makes smelling them rather difficult.  As Mr. Miyagi said, “Worst way to smell black folk is for none to be there.”  Wax on, my philosophical friend.  Bonzai.  It would be a while before the opportunity presented itself unless I was willing to drive to an area where black people were more prevalent.  I decided to merely wait for an opportunity.  Patience is a virtue when determining the odor of one’s fellow man.

If you wait long enough- even in Eau Claire, Wisconsin- a black person will happen by.  They can’t hide forever.  Of course, this truth brings me to my second problem.  To get an accurate smell from someone requires the smeller to get extremely close to the smellee.  Thus, if the black person was a woman, the MO ran the risk of being branded a Creeper.  More importantly, the smelling of other women, even in the interest of science, was sure to draw the wrath of the Wife of MO.  The MO fears no man.  But the MO does fear the Wife of MO a little.  At the very least, the MO has no desire to incur her wrath.  This left only black males for the MO to smell.

As you may surmise, smelling other men may be hazardous to one’s health.  It would take a very imaginative pretext to get that close and yet not alarm the individual being smelled.  I regret to inform the reader that the MO has been unable to find such a pretext – at least as of this writing.  If you have any ideas, the MO encourages you to write in.  Perhaps the reader with the best suggestion could win some sort of prize.  Though that is doubtful.  The MO frowns on a society were everyone gets a ribbon.  Knowing you have been of help to this blog should be reward enough.

In conclusion, this issue remains unresolved.  At this rate, America will never be great again.

Yes, those comments were really made.  Didn’t you read the tagline?  “It’s Darker Than You Think.”  What the hell do you suppose that means?

Keep in mind that I wrote that tagline way before Trump was even a possibility.  Add prescience to the list of qualities the MO possesses.  Pow Pow Pow.

This clown needs an enema!

I’m just trying to cheer you up a little.  Nobody likes dour people.

OK.  Goths do.

Yes.  Pilgrims do, too.  Sometimes I want to pop some of you right in the gourd.