I was watching a couple of robins this morning.  They flitted to and fro, pecked at the ground a bit, and then flew back to a branch.  All in all, it was pretty bird-like behavior.  Robins are unremarkable birds.  I wouldn’t call them ugly, but I certainly wouldn’t describe them as beautiful, either.  Maybe a 6 on the bird scale.  And that is being gracious in case anyone is really into robins.  I hate offending bird watchers.  They take it very personally.  Even so, there is nothing special about robins.

Of course, some would disagree.  This disagreement is based almost solely on the fact that robins are seen as the symbols of spring.  I have always marveled at this designation.  Spring almost never comes with the robins.  They show up and then it snows.  And snows some more.  And then it is cold and rainy for a while.  Robins, who are largely dependent on worms for nutrition, often starve as they wait for the ground to thaw enough for the worms to come out.  The fact that robins are the state bird of Wisconsin only makes things worse.  It is a black eye for the entire state.

After all, robins are plain dumb.  Why in the hell would you leave a place that is warm and has food?  To be the first one here?  Congratulations.  Now you are eating barely digestible seeds left over from last fall.  Yummy.  If you were going to do that, you should have at least stayed over the winter and died a soldier’s death.  The truth is that robins are inferior.

Alas, life is about perception.  Commanding the narrative.  Faking it until you make it.  Robins are to the bird world what the wanna-be upperwardly mobile couple with a too big mortgage is to the human world.  These couples have a giant house and two new cars and no hope other than Aunt Esther dying and leaving them enough to make it through the next two years.  Sometimes Aunt Esther dies, sometimes she rallies.  And then these people are forced into bankruptcy or hitting up their wealthy parents for some cash (Kind of like when the damn robins eat under my feeder.  That’s not for you, you red-breasted freeloader.  Go back to Mexico!  Or at least Missouri.)

You know, you don’t hear the word “yuppie” very often anymore.  It’s just an observation.

Speaking of observations, the damned robin is sitting right in the tree across from my window.  Why?  What are you doing?  They always have that same damn look on their face.  I believe it would be best described as utter stupidity.  Go away!  It’s twenty degrees outside.  Idiot bird.  Perhaps I will have to scoop its starved, frozen carcass from my lawn.  Hahahahaha.  Into the cold, dark hole you go.

But justice is seldom served in this life.  Robins, flamboyant and ridiculous are celebrated.  Meanwhile, chickadees, hard working, decent birds, become an afterthought.

They should change their call.  Chick-a-dee-dee-dee, eff you, eff you.

I wouldn’t blame them a bit.