I was flipping through the channels the other day when I came upon the old television show, MASH.  Hohoho.  That Hawkeye was irrepressible.  He was also a bit of a sexual harrasser.  Then again, who wasn’t in those days?  It was like Fox News before there was such a thing as Fox News.  I suppose Robert Altman is turning over in his grave right now.  That’s the problem with dying.  You can’t defend yourself.  You just sit in whatever alternative reality there is, watching as assholes on a computer in Wisconsin associate your anti-war production with a bunch of undereducated fascists.  In your face, Bob!  You are powerless to stop the MO.  Then again, who isn’t?

Robert Altman also directed a post-apocalyptic film called Quintet.  In this film everything is cold and icy.  I guess the world is dwindling down to nothing, presumably after a nuclear war.  Perhaps art will imitate life shortly.  Po-to-weet!  But I digress.

Anyway, my favorite actor, Paul Newman, is the main character in this film.  To be honest, it isn’t the best film he has been in.  I have watched it at least four or five times and I am still a little fuzzy on the plot line.  (Hahahahaha.  Inside joke for all of you Quintet watchers.  I make myself laugh.  That is the key to happiness.)  Point being, if you only have a couple of hours, choose another Newman film.  I recommend The Verdict or The Color of Money.  Of course, you could watch Cool Hand Luke, but that is a bit depressing for most days.  “He’s the man with no eyes.”

“No one can eat fifty eggs.”

“Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.”

Speaking of the apocalypse and North Korea, did you notice that we may be on the brink of a nuclear exchange?  I am not a scientist, but that might be bad.  On the other hand, I have been checking out Amazon.  There are all sorts of Survivalist packages out there.  They have seeds and fancy hatchets and fire starters and water purifiers.  I am strongly thinking about ordering.  Better safe than sorry I always say.  Plus, who can forget the words of the FSM:

“And loeth in the time of the fake orange came pestilence and buffoonery and a pestilence came upon the land.  And no one would stop it because the stock market riseth up and the blood of the seven-eyed monster had not yet stained the land.”

I’m not sure what that means, but it definitely sounds bad.  Oh well, everything has to end sometime.  I’m planning on a post-apocalyptic film movie marathon.  I figure I can pick up a few tips along the way.

Like always watch out for men wearing ass-less chaps.

Or Dennis Hopper.

Though Dennis Hopper was truly awesome in Hoosiers.

“Regional championship, down one, let her fly…. In and out.”

Somewhere in that quote is a metaphor for humanity.  (The Orange is much deeper than you imagine.  Unfathomable, really.)  I’d figure it out but the Jerry Springer show is on pretty soon.

I really want to know if Zach is the baby’s mama.

“Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…”