My stepson was talking to Suri the other day.  He always talks to Suri.  Suri is the one with all the answers.

“Suri, do the Warriors play basketball tonight?”

“The Warriors play at seven pm central tonight, Savage Weiner.”

My stepson said something else.  Apparently, it was a garbled message.

“I do not know what you are saying, Savage Weiner.”

At this point, my wife intervened.  She asked my stepson why Suri was calling him Savage Weiner.  After a bit of dissembling, my stepson admitted setting up his account to be addressed in this manner.

“For whatever for, dear heart?” my wife asked.  Or something to that effect.

He had no good reason.  Little boys rarely do in such instances, particularly when their mother is involved.  Eventually, he blamed the whole thing on his older brother’s friend, Leo.  Apparently Leo calls himself Savage Weiner and my stepson thought he should follow suit.  Damn you, Leo, for corrupting your friend’s younger sibling.

Of course, we lectured my stepson on why he shouldn’t have Suri calling him Savage Weiner.  My wife used words like appropriate and class and told him that he might very well lose his phone if he didn’t quit having Suri call him Savage Weiner.  Eventually, my stepson agreed that he shouldn’t have Suri call him Savage Weiner.

Two days later I was reading a book.  I heard my stepson talking.

“How much degrees is it outside right now?” he asked.

“I’m not sure what you are asking, Ballsack24.”

“What’s the temperature right now?”  I smiled.  I have repeatedly told him that he should ask about the temperature and not degrees.  It is so rewarding when a child listens to what you tell him.

“The temperature is fifty eight degress, Ballsack24.”

Needless to say, Suri is not calling anyone Ballsack24 in our household these days.  But it got me to thinking about possible alternate identities (as expressed by Suri).

“How do you spell Syria?” asks Donald Trump.

“Are you effing kidding me, Smallhandspussygrabber?”

Perhaps Scott Walker wants to know something.  “Suri, how do you spell Syria?”

“That’s the same stupid question Smallhandspussygrabber asked, Goggleeyed Homunuculus.”

“Where is the nearest donut shop?” queries Rush Limbaugh.

“You don’t need another donut, Fatassballlicker17.  Try a walk.”

Just to be fair and balanced, perhaps Bill and Hillary are having an argument.  It seems that Bill thinks that the best way to get to Little Rock is on little used highway 47 while Hillary prefers an alternate route.

“Suri, what is the fastest route to Little Rock, Arkansas?” drawls Bill.

“Highway 47 all the way, Wetcigar 69.”

“I think you are mistaken, Suri,” Hillary replies.

“Screw you, bitch.”

As you can see, the possibilities for electronic alter egos are endless.  MuffetsOrangeisKingofttheWorld 12, signing off for now.

Talking to you, Stevewearswomensunderwear 93.