The other day, a Wisconsin state senator said that the world is 6000 years old.  “That’s a fact.”  In fairness, this man was raised by a pastor and he has no college education, but even so this seems a fairly ignorant thing to say.  Later, he complained that he was being unfairly picked on for a difference of opinion.

Unfortunately, this senator does not understand the difference between opinions, fiction and facts.  For example, if I say that Ryan Seacrest is a snappy dresser, that is an opinion.  If I say Ryan Seacrest is a hermaphroditic walrus, that is a fiction.  Similarly, if I say a man once lost his strength from a haircut, that is a fiction.  Your hair doesn’t make you strong.  Otherwise, Mr. Clean would be feeble and helpless, like a giant baby.

The root of this issue, of course, lies in one of the great failings of human existence.  Stupid people often don’t understand that they are stupid.  If you doubt this, observe the behaviors of drivers at four way stops.  People clearly do not know the rules of the four way stop.  Yet, that does not prohibit them from flying the bird at people whose turn it is to go.

Anyway, I would like to point out some issues with the world only being 6,000 years old, if only to fly my own metaphorical bird at the ignorance of such a statement.

1- Dinosaurs are off the table.  Those fossils must have been planted there.  Probably by Satan.  Or Loki.  One of those guys, anyway.

2- Everything we have learned about DNA is wrong.  Back to the drawing board on that one.  No wonder OJ got off.

3- Petrified wood is an illusion, most likely planted by Communist heathens.

4- Atomic theory is a sham.  Especially that stuff about half life.  If they only are reduced by half a life, how will they ever die?  Dumb.  My computer is the work of tiny little angels, transmitting my messages to the rest of the world.

5- Fossils of early hominids are a sham.  There were never any Neanderthals or Homo Habilis or those little Hobbit people in Java.  More plants.  Satan is never idle.

6- Plate tectonic theory is a sham.  The continents can’t move.  Earthquakes are also a sham.  I’ve never experienced one here in Wisconsin.

7- Stars don’t exist.  They are merely jewels placed on a velvet background.  Who placed these jewels?  Angels, of course.  There are also no blackholes (sham), no neutron stars (heresy), and the Earth is actually the center of the universe.  I don’t want to hear about red shift and blue shift.

8- There was no big bang.  As there are no other galaxies, it should be obvious that there was no need for a big bang.  Simple as that.

9- Woolly mammoths don’t exist.  I don’t care what they find up there in Siberia.  Those are just hairy elephants.  If they are even real.  Which they probably aren’t.  Like earthquakes.

10- The fossils in the walls of the Grand Canyon are actually pictures drawn by angels.  Or Satan.  Though Satan is technically an angel, so I am right either way.

11- There is no evolution.  Flu shots are a sham.  There aren’t little unseen pathogens.  People who get sick are merely possessed by the devil.  How could a fish turn into a frog?  Fish can’t breathe air.

Lungfish aren’t real.  No.  Mudskippers aren’t real, either.  Fact and fact.

12-Mr. Clean is an insidious character designed to dupe the public into accepting homosexuality.  What real man cleans the house?  That is work for a woman.  It is their punishment for Eve’s wrongdoing.

Of course, that is only my opinion.