So, there was a picture of Amelia Earhart supposedly showing that she had been captured by the Japanese in 1937.  It was quickly debunked.  However, despite this debunking, the interest in Amelia Earhart disappearance theories remains high.  Did I mention that the last time anybody say or heard from Amelia was 80 years ago?  No matter.  Apparently everybody is very worried about her.  Assuming she is alive, she would be 120 years old.  This means that she wouldn’t be even know where she is.  Anyway, I digress.  She’s dead as a stone.

As mentioned, there are multiple theories concerning Amelia’s disappearance.  The first is called “Crash and Splash.”  Even conspiracy theorists try to be literary once in a while.  They fail miserably, but it is the thought that counts.  This theory, as you might have assumed, says that Amelia and her navigator went down someplace in the Pacific Ocean never to be seen again.  To me, this is the most plausible explanation.  Occam’s razor and all that.  But, the universe abhors plausible explanations.  At least the human beings inhabiting the universe do.  I’m talking about the human  beings on this planet, not the ones on the seed planets who dropped off their progeny thousands of years ago.  Who knows what those people think?  And who cares?  Deadbeat parents to be sure.

Are they even coming back for us?  It doesn’t look good.

Another theory is that Amelia landed on a small spit of land named Gardner Island.  There, she and her navigator lived an idyllic island life (think middle-aged Blue Lagoon).  At least until they starved to death.  Or died of their injuries from a brutal crash landing.  Either way, they lived briefly on the island before expiring.

I admit to making up the part about the idyllic island life.  Artistic license.

As already mentioned, a third group of theorists subscribe to the Japanese abduction idea.  The dirty Japs found Amelia and, for reasons unknown, kept her.  I am not entirely sure why they would do this.  However, there is another theory that says that Amelia was actually a spy.  If this is to be believed, then the Japanese may have put Amelia before a firing squad (after torturing her relentlessly) and buried her in a shallow, island grave.  Perhaps beneath a shady palm tree.

Or they just fed her to the turtles, which sounds brutal.  Unless you are a turtle.  Then it sounds like breakfast.

According to some, all of these theories are complete baloney.  Amelia actually survived her world flight and moved to New Jersey (to punish herself for some heretofore unknown sin).  Once in Jersey, she changed her name to Irene Bolam and remarried.  A guy actually wrote a book claiming this was true.  This book was pulled off the market when Irene Bolam threatened to sue.  Or should I say Amelia?  Anyway, Irene is also dead as a stone, thus returning us to our starting point.

Of course, all of these theories are beyond asinine and I am shocked that so much time and energy has been spent on a woman who has been most likely dead for 80 years.  What actually happened is that Amelia never even left the United States.  The entire plane trip was a hoax, initiated by the Masons in concert with aliens of an unknown planetary origin.  Their reasons for perpetrating this hoax are not entirely clear.  However, you can read more about it in my book, Amelia, the Masons, and their Alien Masters.

Available soon at a bookstore near you.