Yesterday, the chance of storms was 100 percent at this location- according to the local weather service.  But, it didn’t rain.  Or as Blind Melon might put it, “No ra-aa-aaaainnn.”  I figured this would be my first and probably only chance to allude to Blind Melon.  So I took it.   Fortune favors the bold.

I guess it did rain all around us.  Maybe the meterologists can be content with the fact that it did rain somewhere.  It is good to not to be too hard on yourself.  But it makes me wonder.  Do weathermen and weatherwomen secretly pray for storms after they have made a prediction?

I can see the weather guy now, in his underwear and wearing a foil hat, chanting in his backyard in an effort to conjure up a good cumulonimbus.

“Hahahahahaha,” he shrieks.  “Tornado at the trailer park.  I told you!  I told all of youuuuuuuu!!!!”

If this sounds unlikely- or even a bit immature- consider that people continually say (or write or send) nasty things to weather people if they get the prediction wrong.  Imagine how it feels to be looking over the squash in the grocery store when up rolls some red-faced old lady.  She points a pale, bony finger in your face.

“You said it would be nice on Sunday.  We planned the church picnic.  And then it rained and it was all ruined.  I lost my potato salad in the flood!”

“Hey, I said there was a 30 percent chance.  Plus, nobody really likes your potato salad.  At least as much as they like Hazel’s.”

I’m kidding, of course.  Weathermen just take the abuse.  They do not administer it.  It is one of the downsides to serving the unreasonable public.  No matter what you predict, even if you are right, at least some of the people will be disappointed in the results.  My solution?  Mind control.  The next day, just pretend that it didn’t rain on Sunday.

“What a beautiful day we had on Sunday.  A great day for a family outing or to go fishing or for a church picnic down at St. Luke’s on Third and Main.  I don’t think it gets better than that.”

I guarantee at least some of the people will be fooled.  Old people, especially.  They either have memory problems or are seriously worried that they do.  What is the harm?  At least this way you can get your shopping done in peace.

If you are right about the forecast, make sure that no one forgets about your accurate prediction.  Ever.

“Remember last week, folks.  I predicted two to three inches of sloppy snow.  And what did we get?  Two point seven inches here at the station.  It doesn’t get any better than that.  I will bet you wish you had a stock analyst as good as I am.  Speaking of that, if you want to send a few bucks I can help you out with that, too.  After all, once you have predicted one volatile phenomenon with dozens of not very well known variables, you have predicted them all.”

Flash to commercial for financial services company.

Diversification.  That is the key.

In the meantime, the weatherman can practice.

“Well, it looks like there will be storms.  In fact, every weather station is saying that there is a one hundred percent chance of a violent outbreak, including possible tornadoes.  Now, I’m not telling you not to prepare for a tornado, I am just saying that it could be a nice day.  You never know.  If it was me, I would just schedule that church picnic for a longer time frame- say 1 to 6.  That why, if it does rain, which it may or may not, you will still have time for horseshoes.”

“Also, I wouldn’t worry about that stock.  It looks like it will go down.  On the other hand, what goes down has to go up.  Generally speaking.”