I was running the other day.  I had my shirt off because it was hotter than hell.  I was suffering as I leaned into the last hill of my run.  At this point, a car with some teenage boys drove by.  As they passed, they yelled out “Woowooo.”  I presume this was some sort of sarcasm related to my physical shape.  To be honest, it hurt my feelings.  Could they not see how hard I was trying?  It’s not like there were hundreds of men in their late forties running up a steep hill in hot, humid weather.  Little jerks.  I’d like to see how they do in thirty years.

Actually, I’d like to be able to see anything in thirty years.  But if I can, and I drive by one of them while they are running up a hill, I will guarantee they are getting both barrels.

“Come on, chubby,” I will say.  “When I was your age, I sprinted up that hill.”  And then I will laugh my old man’s laugh and continue on to the grocery store to get my prunes.

The funny thing about aging is that it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago when I was the smart-ass in the car.  Actually, I’m lying.  It seems like a long time.  I just don’t want to admit it.  That is why I am still trying to run up a hill in the stifling heat.  I refuse to accept reality.

That’s also why I keep fantasizing about putting those little a-holes in their place.  I want so badly to meet them on the field of battle (in whatever form that might take) and to defeat them decisively.  And then I want to say something both cutting and witty.  I don’t know what exactly that would be.  Maybe something along the line of them having to get their mommy to help them.  I’ll work on it.

Of course, it is very unlikely that I could beat them at any sort of physical endeavor.  Grrrrrrrrrr!  The unfairness of it all.  If only there was a Viagra for playing football.  Take the pill and experience a temporary return to glory.  I’d smash them all down, even if I destroyed my own body in the process.  It would be more than worth it.

Anyway, gotta run.  If I see those kids again, I’m flipping them off.

Or mooning them.  I guarantee that will give them pause in the future.

There is nothing more satisfying that realizing the solution to your dilemma.