It seems that a bunch of rich people got caught cheating. Specifically, they were using bribes to get their children (who are apparently morons) into college. This came as somewhat of a shock to people- if you believe their reactions. Which I don’t. In reality, everybody knew that this sort of thing has been going on forever. In fact, it is how we do things in the United States of America. The entire country is built on cheating, run by cheaters, and is not one bit sorry for any of it (generally speaking).

To whit, America was founded by rich guys who didn’t think they should have to pay taxes. Of course, these rich guys also had slaves and were given most of what they had. But, dammit, they wanted more. Don’t tread on me, you dirty, red-coated sonsabitches. Luckily for these rich guys, there were many local yokels who could be easily moved by the clarion call of their patriotic duty. And, although these yokels had very little to gain, they went and died for Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Of course, these ideals were all a big scam.

A century or so later, the American West was opened up. To adequately exploit this new area, the country needed railroads.

Actually, most of that was a big lie. But some rich guys saw a good opportunity to make money and were able to sell a bunch of local yokels on the idea. The yokels bought stock, the railroads failed, and the rich guys got richer and started universities in places like Palo Alto. Right on.

Simultaneously, the US was cheating the Indians out of their land. The indigenous folk were so very gullible. Heh heh. Thar’s gold in them thar hills.

Fast forward another hundred years to the Cold War. The USSR has just launched a satellite named Sputnik. Yipes! Those damn, sneaky Russians. This was surely a national disaster (Even though Sputnik was the size of a basketball- but why quibble over little details?) The Space Race had begun. And, thanks to US ingenuity and know-how, we got that man to the moon.

Well, actually we used Nazi rocket scientists (Gutentag, Herr Von Braun) who we had whisked out of Germany at the end of WW 2. Of course, as Nazis they probably should have answered for some war crimes or shit like that. But they were really smart. And we beat those Commies flat.

Anyway, my point is that America is all about cheating. Did you ever read the fine print? I’ll bet not, though there is probably something important in there.

Tax shelters, private schools, rich kids feigning ADHD, backroom real estate deals, insider trading and the list goes on and on right to Trump University.

Good thing we have our guns. And Jesus. When everybody dies, he will be sure to sort things out and all of you honest folk will get your just reward. In heaven, where the angels fly. And Steely Dan never gets to play on the radio. Ever. Because Steely Dan will be playing Hey 19 in hell for eternity.

I was going to mention the damned Cheat Codes for video games. But that would have been piling on. It’s not like the Canadians or any of those other countries are any better. They don’t even speak English in Quebec, for Christ’s sake. If that doesn’t seem suspicious, I don’t know what does.

Lee Greenwood. (So I did know, after all.)