Wow. I haven’t seen you in a while. It’s like it’s been a year. Though time is relative.

In fact, I recently read a book that contended that there are innumerable universes. And that there really isn’t any time. It isn’t on our side, it isn’t a precious resource, and it is not a cruel thief that robs us of our former selves. Also, a stitch in time doesn’t save shit. Things always were the way they are now. And always will be.

At least in our universe. In another universe this blog is called Little Boy Blue’s Pomegranate. And it makes that other me a whole lot of money. Unless that son-of-a-bitch is in a coma, dying from Covid 23. In that universe, Covid 19 through 22 were no more dangerous than any other flu. This is just speculation, of course. Little Boy Blue’s Pomegranate probably doesn’t make any money at all. And that other me isn’t in a coma. He’s just pissed off at Bruce Jenner, who is a shitty president.

In that universe, Bruce has continued to repress his true feelings. A lot of Bruce’s do that I hear.

Anyway, speaking of Covid 19, I have some appropriate song lyrics. (In the aforementioned alternative universe, the other me can’t think of a thing. What a dumbass. I’m the number one me. I don’t care how many universes there are.)

Don’t Squeeze the Charmin, You Dirty Son of a Bitch (slow and sad country song)

I see you in that grocery aisle, grabbing that toilet paper you don’t need–

Don’t try to hide from me, you Trumptard, mouth breathing inbreed–

I would call the cops, though, I ain’t no snitch–

But don’t squeeze the Charmin, you dirty son of a bitch–

(It might sound better in my head. Who knows? Me. And any other me who is typing lyrics at this moment. Jack and Jill’s Kiwi Fruit, perhaps.)

Fauci’s Coming for You (as a punk song)

Fauci! Fauci! Fauci! He’s the agent of the deep state–

Fauci! Fauci! Fauci! He watches you masturbate–

Fauci! Fauci! Fauci! He sees everything you do!

You damned right-wing nut job… Fauci is coming for YOU!!!!!

Coming for YOU!!! Sean Hannity.

Coming for YOU!!! Laura Ingraham.

And he doesn’t care about abortion at all!!!! Yayayayayaaaaaaa!!!!

Chinese Love Song (as a whiny love song)

We used to do your laundry, we make your Walmart things–

I-phones and cordless drills and cheap plastic golden rings—

We keep thinking of you, even though you are sometimes so mean–

That’s why we sent you some bat-juice Covid 19!!!

Covid 19! Covid 19!

I think you are turning green. Covid 19!

That’s the ugliest ventilator I ever seen. Covid 19!

Straight out of China, bitches. And we did it bigly. (angry guitar solo)

Well, I guess that one turned out to be an angry punk song as well. Those Chinese can’t be trusted. Still bitter about the “ancient Chinese secret” commercial, I guess. Talk about grudges. We are racist towards everybody, crybabies. I don’t care what universe it is.

Are you still mad at the Mongolians for kicking your ass in 1259? I bet not.

Look at it this way, in at least one of those universes you aren’t even called China at all. You are called Japan.

World War 2, you know.

You’re welcome.