As you may have noticed, American society has fallen to a new low (at least in my lifetime) relative to its relationship with facts. Thus, this episode will be dedicated solely to righting some factual wrongs. No one will care and you can’t make any money this way, but we all have to kill time until we expire. Freud wrote an entire book about this. Civilization and Its Discontents. It is a fairly depressing read. On the other hand, do you want to keep reading about Covid-19 all the time? Not exactly uplifting stuff.

Speaking of Covid…nope, not doing that. But it pretty much only kills old people. As someone who is more old than young, I am leaning toward social distancing.

Myth 1: The MO has changed his views on social distancing.

Truth: The MO has always been an advocate for social distancing. In fact, he has been practicing it for nearly all of his 50 years. And he will continue to social distance in the future. He is such a disingenuous son-of-a-bitch. He could work on Wall Street.

Myth 2: The Stock Market has something to do with the economy.

Truth: The Stock Market is manipulated by a gang of rich people. If it looks like someone might tax them appropriately, they run the thing into the ground. Because taxing them is bad for the economy.

Myth 3: Taxation is theft.

Truth: I will personally attack the next person I hear saying this. With a broken off piece of the deteriorating county road that runs by my house. There used to be an indexed gas tax in this state, but some morons wanted to be elected by other morons.

Myth 4: The MO is a jovial person.

Truth: See above.

Myth 5: Elected officials are smart people.

Myth 6: Elected officials are way worse than they have ever been.

Truth: There are transcripts of government officials talking about the Viet Nam war. They knew it was a lost cause, but they didn’t want to lose face. Apparently, they were Japanese left over from WW2.

Myth 7: The US defeated the Nazis.

Truth: The Russians defeated the Nazis. The US and Great Britain came in from the other side and cleaned up. I’ll bet you didn’t read that in your history books.

Myth 8: People care about history.

Truth: There is an orange guy who bears a striking resemblance to a certain dead Italian leader. Also, if you think this post is dark, read Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. Hohohoho. Seriously, I dare you.

Myth 9: Animals can tell about people.

Truth: Hitler’s dogs loved him. He had a pretty complicated relationship with his niece, however.

Myth 10: All segues should be smooth.

Truth: Garrison Keillor is a pretentious ass who wouldn’t know a rural existence if he slipped on a cow patty.

Myth 11: Santa Claus is real.

Truth: Only if you count guys laughing at books about Nazi Germany.

Myth 12: Pulling down statues will change something.

Truth: I don’t see too many Lenin and Stalin statues lying around. Yet, Putin is doing pretty well. I heard he is commissioning a bunch of statues. Of him riding a horse. With his shirt off. His long, blond locks flowing in the wind. Think Favio, but much more menacing. Putin was in the KGB, you know.

Myth 13: There are Russian mobsters who are good sports.

Truth: This is a reference to the movie Rounders. If you don’t get it, watch the movie.

Myth 14: John Malkovich occasionally gives a bad performance.

Truth: He was even good in Con Air. Talk about Herculean efforts.

Myth 15: Jesus was the only god and man chimera.

Truth: Hercules. Alexander the Great. Every pharoah. Larry Bird.

Myth 16: Indiana is a beautiful state. (There is a segue here. Larry Bird is from Indiana. French Lick.)

Truth: If it hasn’t already happened, someone should make a pornographic movie called French Lick. Starring somebody who looks like Larry Bird. I could probably whip up a script this afternoon.

Myth 17: The MO has some principles.

Truth: Scene 1: A young, Indiana farm boy is out shooting baskets after a long day of baling hay. He has his shirt off and glistens from sweat. A car pulls up. It is a 1977 TransAm with two lost coeds.

“Can I help you?” Garry Bird asks.

“Maybe you can,” the coeds respond. Cue the bomp bomp bomp music.

Myth 18: This blog never says anything positive.

Truth: Scene 2: A second TransAm comes into view.