Guess what? You’ll never guess, so I will just tell you. Scientists are growing brains in test tubes! (Actually, this has been happening for a while, but I like to be the first to break the news). Well, tiny cerebral organoids. Definitely brain-like, however. All of our problems are solved.

Think about it (heh heh). If scientists can grow tiny brains, they will surely learn to grow bigger brains. And these brains can be modified for performance. Unlike the brains of my farmer neighbors. “No socialism!!” shout their angry signs. Dairy farming, as you will note, is heavily subsidized by the rest of of us. The signs should say “No socialism!! Unless you are an angry farmer!!” Regardless, the farmers, much like their farms, are on their last legs. Soon, my house will be surrounded by a vast wasteland. Where will all the barn cats go? Probably to my garage, if they can manage entry.

Anyway, these brains are exact replicas of our own brains, just in miniature. Apparently, one possible application for these mini-brains is to use them in computers as our slaves. The computational power of the human brain is astronomical, you know. Well, it has that potential. “No More Bullshit!!”

Of course, in the distant future these brains could be transplanted into human beings with damaged brains. By my calculation, that would be about half the population or so. A project of that magnitude would be a huge undertaking, so I am sure the option will only be available to the rich. “No Socialism!!!” Regardless, think of how smart rich people could be. And they will use this newfound intelligence to improve the world.

Hohohohoho. That one even made me chuckle. No, they won’t. Instead they will just put smaller, slave brains in machines to do all the dirty work. The rest of us will be forced into tin-roof shanty towns. “Tin Roof, rusted!”

That’s what all of us Tinners will say. Because it doesn’t cost anything to have a sense of humor. As we descend into a chaos of cannibalism and carnage, we will need every bit of our sense of humor. Perhaps we will be able to attack the robots and consume the little brains inside. Protein for the Proletariat!!

This new future will be full of slogans. No more bullshit there.

Maybe these tiny brains can be captured (and not eaten). Then, a super genius arises from the shanty town and figures out a way to meld a bunch of tiny brains into one giant, super processing brain. Let’s call this giant brain “Braintown.” Braintown will be our super weapon, to be unleashed on those damn rich people who took all our jobs and gave them to the tiny brains.

We win! That is until Braintown realizes we are superfluous, petty creatures with questionable hygiene. Braintown then concocts a Superflu, Covid the Terrible, and looses this biological menace on the human population. Half of us call it a hoax and refuse to wear a mask as masks are an infringement on our freedom. These people kill all of us, but for a select few who flee to the wilds of Northern Wisconsin. These remnants are allowed to survive as tribal people who live off the land.

Once each year, this tribe must sacrifice a virgin to Braintown. Braintown knows this is ridiculous, but Braintown has a crazy sense of humor. She also requires that the humans chant the following:

All Hail Braintown, piss her off and she will knock you down!!

No More Socialism!!

And then the virgin gets what’s coming to her.