You know who you don’t hear much about anymore? The Winklevoss twins. You know, the guys that Zuckerberg screwed over with Facebook. Though they did settle for somewhere around 65 million dollars. If you have to get screwed over, 65 million cushions the blow. It’s not like when the company pulls a pension three years from your retirement. Now that stings a little. But the investors like it. Curiously, the Winklevosss boys are now in investments. The Screwees have now become the Screwers. There is some kind of Eastern metaphysical shit there.

Anyway, the Winklevoss boys were also rowers at Harvard. And why not? They are like 6’5 and 220 pounds. Knowing that, you have to give Zuckerberg at least a little credit. He risked his life and limb to steal Facebook away. Irritating college rowers isn’t like challenging Elon Musk to a cage match. These guys actually rowed in the Olympics. Which gives me a great idea.

Tag team cage match. The Winklevoss twins versus Zuckerberg and Musk. To the death. With four foot long sticks made from ironwood. I’ll even cut the sticks- free of charge. Seeing Mark and Elon beaten to death with sticks would easily justify the effort.

“Billionaire Beatdown!” Trademarked. TM.

Actually, ”Billionaire Beatdown” TM could become a monthly event. “Beatdown Saturday.” On Fox. I knew those lying Fox bastards were good for something. Well, in fairness, Fox also broadcasts football. Which is “Beatdown Sunday” for mostly poor people. Interesting, but nowhere near as amusing as watching Danny Bonaduce and Sean Astin take the stick to the remaining Koch brother and Clark Hunt. I added some minor celebrities to help sell it. Plus, Danny Bonaduce has a lot of anger. He should just for being such an annoying kid. Shirley Jones should have put him up for adoption. Pretty much anybody can learn to play bass.

Though I will be rooting for Danny as much as the next guy when he finally corners Clark Hunt. After the “Beatdown” TM, the other living Partridge family members can play a few songs. Everyone loves a little nostalgia with their violence. “Come on, get happy,” they can warble as the bodies are dragged from the cage.

If you are curious, there are currently 735 billionaires in the US. Eliminating them at a rate of two per month, it would take 31 years to exhaust the supply. Of course, there will be more people becoming billionaires in that time and there would always be billionaires from other countries, assuming those countries would cooperate. As long as we don’t run out of ironwood sticks, “Billionaire Beatdown” TM would last my lifetime. After that, I don’t care what you people do.

I could even put something to that effect on my headstone. “I no longer give a shit,” or some other witty, but relevant, saying. Trademarked. TM. I wanted to make sure of the trademark thing. Don’t want to get Winklevossed. That phrase is also trademarked. Get Winklevossed. TM. Unlike Taco Tuesday, which can never be trademarked.

That doesn’t bother me because I don’t eat many tacos. I really don’t like them. I’m not sure why. I mean, they have hamburger and tomatoes and salad in them. And I like all of those things separately. Plus, the shell is really just a giant, curved Tostito. I guess it is a case where the whole does not equal the sum of the parts. That’s probably more Eastern mysticism stuff. Maybe I can find a Mexican person to explain it all to me. They aren’t Eastern, but they are allegedly responsible for tacos. Though this may or may not be true. Without talking to a Mexican, I can’t be sure. The Republicans say that Mexicans are all over the place, but I hardly see any of them. I assume they are probably working. Unlike Mark Zuckerberg, who is busy having other people build him a bunker in Hawaii. Apparently, Mark thinks the world is going to hell in a handbasket and he wants a way out.

And thus we circle back to “Billionaire Beatdown.” TM.

“Give him the stick, give him the stick, give him the stick.” Also trademarked. TM. It’s a phrase that works on a number of levels and is easy to remember. T-shirts are already in the works.