Not long ago, but in a different time, gambling was considered a vice. It was the domain of organized crime, run by guys name Bugsy and Pretty Boy and Scarface. It was also very lucrative. Vices often are. They don’t give cocaine away, after all. Though we would probably be a much more productive country if they did. Regardless, nobody of character and standing condoned gambling- at least not in public. Preachers railed against it from the pulpit and politicians waved adamant fingers at the prospect of its legality. Certainly, little old ladies everywhere were against it. Though little old ladies are notorious for being against most things, other than crocheting and Wheel of Fortune. The old women love Vanna and Pat. Spin the wheel and take your chances! Hmmm. Anyway, gambling was bad. I watched Eight Men Out. Poor Shoeless Joe, wrongly accused. And poor Pete Rose- rightly accused, but ironically given the present gambling zeitgeist. Baseball is full of tragedy.

Regardless, gambling bad. Until some people started thinking about how much money gambling was generating. After all, was it fair that Bugsy and Scarface were cashing in and honest, upright citizens were not? Clearly, it was not fair as lotteries began to spring up everywhere.

Ah, the lottery, a true American experience when legions of math-idiots throw their money away on tickets to prosperity. To justify this fleecing of the statistically ignorant, states give some of the lottery money to good works like education and property tax relief. That sounds nice. Of course, economist Tim Smeeding from UW-Madison’s La Follette School of Public Affairs says in many cases, people from poor communities are spending 8-9% of their total incomes on lottery tickets. But who cares about those poor folk? Nobody put a gun to their head.

Anyway, as noted above, at least the lottery wasn’t like sports gambling. That was really bad. People went to jail left and right over it. But then everybody decided to legalize sports gambling and put commercials on tv. Then it was awesome! Besides, they put a little blurb on the bottom of the screen when advertising – Have a Gambling Problem? And then they give the viewer a number to call if the answer to this question is “yes.” They do this because everyone with a gambling problem immediately calls that number so they stop gambling. After all, gambling sites definitely want gamblers with gambling problems to stop gambling. Why wouldn’t they?

Our country’s newfound love affair with gambling reminds me of another movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m speaking of the part of the movie where George had never been born. You remember, “maybe it would be better if I’d never been born.”

And Clarence says “You’ve got your wish.”

Because George is such a dumbshit he doesn’t value the life that has been given him. And then his little brother drowns after going through thin ice. Apparently, being a dumbshit runs in the Bailey family. Certainly, Uncle Billy is a dumbshit. If only that SOB hadn’t stopped to gloat at Mr. Potter’s. Genetics don’t lie, I suppose.

I digress. After George is removed from the universe, the aforementioned Mr. Potter has no one to thwart his nefarious schemes. And one of Potter’s first schemes is to rename Bedford Falls as Pottersville and to turn the newly-monickered town into a den of gambling and other iniquity. (It’s not often that you see the words Zeitgeist and iniquity in one blog. You’re very welcome.)

Wooooo! And what fun all that gambling and drinking and whoring is. Whoooooo!!!!

“Get me, I’m giving out property-tax relief!” Pottersville is booming. Though on the wall behind the bar there is a poster that says the following:

Got a Gambling Problem? Call 555-1468.

The only catch is that Potter owns the gambling rehab as well. He is such a shrewd bastard. First, taking the eleven thousand dollars from the witless Uncle Billy and now this. Somebody should name the library after him. The library where George’s not-wife now works. Because George was the only man in the whole county who would have her. My guess is she had some sort of venereal disease or something. I mean, she was a pretty good looking young woman. Why else would she remain an old maid? Unless she was an inveterate gambler, which is a real possibility in the George-less universe.

Since I am thinking about the movie, I realize that among its many themes It’s a Wonderful Life is an early proponent of the Many Worlds theory of existence. Without boring the reader too much, just watch the movie Butterfly Effect. It will tell you everything you need to know. Alright, I’ll take a little time.

You see, quantum physics tells us that the entire universe relies on probabilities. Like, there’s this cat and he is owned by Schrodinger and the cat is in a box. I’m not sure why. Maybe Schrodinger is traveling. Maybe he is going to kill the cat. And that’s the point. We don’t know if the cat is alive until we open the box. Until then the cat is just a probability wave that collapses the minute there is an observer. Heavy shit. If you have watched the movie, the person Mr. Gower poisons could be the cat. Provided they live in a box.

The overarching point is that no matter what Einstein says, god does play dice. And that is why we have legalized basically all forms of gambling.

Because it is god’s will.