The title of this post could be construed a number of different ways. It could be about bowling, for example. Or feral cats. Perhaps it could be a Cheers retrospective, and one I would be curious to watch. But it is about tornadoes.

If you weren’t aware, the US is the King of the World when it comes to tornadoes. And it isn’t even close. We blow everyone else out of the water. Pow!! Munchkins and little black dogs for everyone. As a sidebar, should the Munchkins really be so happy when the Wicked Witch of the East gets house-crushed? Given the fact that her angry, green sister is still around, their glee seems a bit premature. But Munchkin is inscrutable. Though welcoming. Directional witches excepted.

While glued to the Weather Channel, I often find I am fascinated by tornadoes. You take a little warm air, a little cold air, get some wind shear and Wallah!! Trailer homes can fly. Interestingly, tornadoes hit the same states year after year. Even more notably, these states are almost exclusively conservative. Oklahoma, Texas, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas- all commonly are hit by tornado outbreaks. There are scientific explanations for this phenomenon.

However, in my opinion it is because these people hate drag shows. In fact, the percentage of drag show haters in a state correlates directly with the number of tornados that strike a state. Don’t believe me? When is the last time Rhode Island got hammered by an EF5? Never. They have only had 20 recorded tornadoes since 1787 and none of the bigger than an EF2. I should call Joe Rogan with this information. Perhaps he will have me on his podcast. If it goes well, I will run for President. Only in America. Though once I become President I will never travel to any of those tornado-attracting states. Fly over only. Besides, I’ve listened to “Choctaw Bingo.” Other than the cousins part its a pretty bleak description of the area.

Helen Hunt was really rolling when she made Twister. Then she basically disappeared a few years later. What happened? Who knows? Your guess is as good as mine. But since I am running for public office, I get precedent. Thus, I imagine she was kidnapped by a bunch of Munchkins. Not real Munchkins. Kidnappers dressed as Munchkins. Little people. Maybe a short juvenile delinquent or two . In fairness, she was really popular. The Munchkins probably thought she could be ransomed for a lot of money. But, as noted earlier, Munchkins often don’t think ahead very well and Hunt’s career pretty much cratered after 2000. Too bad. She was a decent actress, in my expert opinion.

On the other hand, I hate Paul Reiser. Not as much as the group Steely Dan, but certainly in that category. The only decent thing Reiser was ever in was Aliens and he plays the villain in that one. Luckily, the alien takes care of him in violent fashion. Which makes me wonder, who would win in a fight- the alien or the Wicked Witch of the West? I guess that is not pertinent to the conversation. They are both green is why I was thinking about it. Unlike the state bird of Rhode Island, which is the Rhode Island Red.

Rhode Island Reds hate tornados. That’s why they live there.

I guess Paul Reiser was also in The Boys. He sullied an otherwise fine show. Paul Reiser is the Jar Jar Binks of The Boys. Though in fairness to Jar Jar Binks, the kid who played Anakin was the Paul Reiser of child actors.

Somebody should have dropped a house on him. Of course, it would have missed him. The Force and all.