I notice a lot of people are using exclamation points lately.  “Can you please fax that to me?  Thanks!!!”  “My son isn’t going to be at practice today because he is sick.  He is so bummed!!!!”  “I ran my first half marathon today!!!!!”

Stop doing this.  Exclamation points are to be used sparingly, with care and thoughtful consideration.  You can’t just throw them about.  They are designed to highlight calamity.  “The house is on fire!” Here is a case that merits an exclamation point.  Your son missing practice is not a calamity.  In fact, neither I nor most of his teammates find it calamitous at all.  He can’t catch and he keeps making animal noises.  A period is more than adequate.

Speaking of adequacy, did you ever notice that being adequate is no longer adequate.  If Little Johnny doesn’t get an “A,” it is an unmitigated disaster.  Well, not to be a contrarian, but a “C” means average.  And any kid who thinks he is a chimpanzee at football practice is lucky to be considered average.  Honestly, doesn’t he have something else to do?

So, I watched a movie called “Don’t Blink” the other night.  My wife brought it home from Redbox.  She is always doing that, bringing home stray movies from Redbox.  It is a problem.  Anyway, everybody keeps disappearing.  The movie never says why or how or if there is some sinister being behind these disappearances.  It is like “Ten Little Indians” without any rationale.  Needless to say, the movie is terrible.  There is one bright spot.  The actor who played the bully in the “Christmas Story” does a decent job (he’s the kid who Ralphie beats up after Ralphie snaps).  Yep, he’s still acting.

Now I know who your kid reminds me of.  It is Ralphie’s little brother- you know when he acts like a little piggie.  Actually, it’s uncanny how much they resemble each other.

Fantastic!!!!!!  See you at the game on Tuesday!!!!

 

Once I was lost.  It was a dark and stormy night.  I was blogging regularly.  Not many people were reading due, most likely, to the dumbing down of America.  I dreamed that Donald Trump was running for President.  Imagine that epic fail.

Actually, I met a girl.  This is a true story.  She knew what a mudpuppy was.  If you don’t, I wouldn’t consider you marriage material.  Our courtship was just like a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Or so I hear.  I’ve never read one.  I saw the movie with the bull rider.  I told my wife the bull rider looked like a young Clint Eastwood.  Guess what?  It was his son!  Pow. Pow.  You probably guessed that I married the girl.  If not, you didn’t spend much time on my About page.  Fair enough.  I probably don’t care that much about your life, either.  Unless you are named Kardashian.  Or Putin.  That guy kills me.

Anyway- like House of Pain says- Guess Who’s Back?  “I get wicked, you got a booger, pick it.”

Right on.