With the New Year on the way, it is time to make some resolutions.  So, with no further adieu, I will quit writing French words.  Non sequitur.  That is Latin.  And makes sense when considering the previous sentences as a group.

Anyway, my first resolution is to quit using the word pusillanimous.  This is an easy one as I have seldom, if ever, used the word pusillanimous.  It frightens me.

I resolve also to avoid participating in Gay Pride parades.  This is not because I have anything against gay people.  It is just that I am a terrible dancer.  Like really bad.  Though not as bad as my dad or brother.  They dance like the Tin Man having an epileptic seizure.  If they only had some rhythm.  Da da da da da dum.

My next resolution is to stop stereotyping others.  This does not apply to the Jews.  Quit hoarding my money and making bad movies.  In fairness, I still haven’t seen the newest Star Wars.  That may change my mind about the movie thing.  Paul Newman is my favorite actor, however.  Best movie?  The Verdict.  “We live in a cynical world.  But today you are the law.”  He also made Cool Hand Luke.  “Nobody can eat fifty eggs.”

I do not resolve to quit quoting movies in the next year.  Or ever.  “Somethin’ ta’ do.”  A little trivia for you related to that last quote.  What crime did Cool Hand Luke commit to end up in the workhouse?  Answer:  He was cutting the heads off of parking meters.  As I say, I mean to educate as well as entertain.

I am also resolve to not shoot heroin this year.  I have a great fear of needles and prison.

I also resolve to quit stating the obvious.  The Republicans can’t win.  There is always next year, I suppose.  I rhyme with Lump.  I rhyme with Lump.  My hair is bad.  I rhyme with Lump.  At least people figured out that Ben Carson is insane.

I further resolve to not be insane in the upcoming year.  At least not in a way that is legally actionable.

Finally, I resolve to be a good person in the next year.  Hahahaha.  Fail.  I don’t resolve that at all.  What are you?  Stupid?  Gullible, at the very least.  I hate good people.  What did they ever do?  The Nazis got us to the moon.

My next resolution is to prove that the moon landing was a hoax.

This is the final resolution.  Pow.