Have you watched cartoons lately?  I hadn’t until the other day.  You see, I was channel surfing when I came to cartoon.  Foolishly, I watched the damn thing for about thirty seconds.  It was horrible.  Horrible!  It is not funny when some little cartoon kid is screaming all the time.  Where are the parents?  For that matter, where are the coyotes or talking rabbits (or talking moose)?

Speaking of moose, do you remember Boris and Natasha from the Bullwinkle and Rocky show?  They were Cold War Russian cartoons.  You don’t see those around anymore.  Largely because the Cold War is over.  The Russian economy collapsed and took good cartoons with it.  Those cartoons had witty allusions meant for an adult audience.  Everyone in the family could enjoy them.  That was when America was great.  We had good cartoons, a white man as President, and an enemy the country could rally around.

Now we are relegated to making our own enemies.  I mean, if we didn’t keep meddling in the Middle East what would we do for an enemy?  It’s not like Guatemalans are coming over the border any time soon.  Well, not armed and en masse.  When I was a kid we had drills in case of a nuclear war.  Talk about a good scare.  The teacher would tell us to get into position and then we would scurry under our desks with a hardcover textbook over our head (this is a true story).  We did this because textbooks are a great deterrent to a nuclear blast.  The force of the bomb just peters out when it runs up against a stubborn Phonics book.

I notice there are no cartoons with Muslim bad guys.  It’s not really the Muslims fault.  But they just don’t compare to the threat of Soviet missiles.  As a sidebar, I wonder what happened to all of those missiles.  I know that somebody has them.  I’m just curious as to how they were meted out.

“One for Belarus, one for the Ukraine, three for Russia, one for Chechnya…just kidding.  I didn’t drink that much vodka.  And I was kidding about the Ukraine one, too.  I remember Chernobyl.”  (Read this with a Boris Badenov accent.  It is hilarious.)  “And aim the virst one at the Mooze.”  Hahahaha.

Maybe I can start a petition to reinstate Boris and Natasha.  The state could own the rights to the cartoon.

But only if Bernie wins.

As a sidebar, do you think that Hillary Clinton watched cartoons when she was little?  I know the answer.  I was just trying to imagine her as a child.  I find it very difficult.  It is much easier imagining her eating a child- fresh from the cauldron with a little Picante sauce.