Trump wins, bitches!  I tried to tell you.  But you wouldn’t listen.  You refused to believe.  But I’ll bet you believe now.  Look over there.  That is the body of the vampire Cruz, limbs twitching, a stake planted firmly in its black heart.  Look over there.  It is Kasich, wandering in the wilderness in his night shirt, unsure of how he got here or who he even is.  Pow.  And another Pow.  The people of the Republican party have spoken.

If you think this was some sort of fluke, keep in mind that 17 people tried out for this gig.  Seventeen!!  Even Scott Walker, the google-eyed homunculus of the great state of Wisconsin.  He didn’t last long, Koch brothers or no Koch brothers.  Now he is choking Eddie Murphy who is saying “It was the Kochs, it was the Kochs.”  Don’t worry.  Either you have seen the movie or you haven’t.  If you have, you’ll realize I am hilarious.  If not, don’t blame the MO for your ignorance.  Educate thyself.  Because the Republicans sure as hell aren’t going to put any money toward it.

Anyway, we can get at that wall now.  All we need is several hundred miles worth of concrete blocks, four mountains of rebar, a sea of mortar and an army of concrete workers.  Luckily, Mexico has provided us with a cheap labor force.  Oh, yeah, we are building the wall to keep them out.  Silly me.  Maybe we can all chip in.  We can all make America great.  Or at least make a Great Wall (I am assuming China hasn’t trademarked the phrase Great Wall- if they have, well, sue me.  Or sue Trump.  It was his idea.  I’m just laying block down here in the hot, hot sun.)

By the way, when can we start detaining Muslims?  Since we are building that wall, we can just loop it around and build a corral.  Allah Akbar!  Get in your corral, Akmed.  We don’t like your kind around here.  Unless you are like a heart surgeon for rich guys.  In that case, we can make an exception.  We will also make an exception if you are related to the House of Saud.  Don’t want to piss off those guys.

Once again, I digress.  This post should be a celebration of the greatness of American Democracy.  Let Freedom ring.  Freedom ain’t Free.  “Freee-dommmmm,” says William Wallace.  Free Tibet.  Free Tacos.  Free Bird.  Free visits at the Free Clinic.  Speaking of Free Clinics, Donald Trump said that avoiding STD’s in the New York single scene was his Vietnam.  And you think this guy isn’t presidential?  Balderdash.  Regardless, he has come through the fire while all of the other rats have abandoned ship.

In the end, it is the Orange Cheese who stands alone.

The Cheese stands alone.  And he is an excellent cheese.  Ask anyone.  He is the best cheese ever.