Every day I take tea to work.  I used to take coffee, but it gave me stomach problems.  So I had to give it up.  It was for my own good.  Anyway, with the tea I now take to work there comes a tag with a little saying on it.  Generally, these sayings are meant to be inspirational – if you are into that sort of thing.  I read them, but have seldom been inspired.  Until today.  Because today’s saying is utterly ridiculous.

“An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities.”

Now, to be fair, I like the rhyming scheme.  Particularly with two three syllable words.  Try rhyming something with syllable.  Not easy.  Spillable.  Ok.  Maybe not that difficult.  If you are a literary genius.  Anyway, I digress.

As I was writing, there is nothing inspirational about this morning’s teabag.  Gratitude doesn’t bring opportunities.  It brings more assignments at work.  Greed brings opportunity.  A well-connected relative brings opportunity.  Fake breasts bring opportunity.

“Hulk Smash.”  Not, “Hulk say thank you.”  Did Dirty Harry keep his job by showing gratitude?  Hells no, as the kids say.  He kept his job by mouthing off to the mayor and telling punks to make his day.  And then shooting said punks with his .44 Magnum.  Pow Pow Pow.  No gratitude to be found.

When Mark Zuckerberg had a guy write the initial code for Facebook, did he say thank you?  I think not.  He stole it from him.  After he stole the idea for Facebook in the first place!  Boom!!  And Pow!!  Thievery and duplicity brings opportunity.  That is what Zuckerberg gets with his teabag.

Zuckerberg is a funny name.  He should have been a fat kid with a lisp.  Who played catcher on his little league team.  But not very well.

Speaking of dorky rich kids, do you think that Donald Trump ever said “thank you” for anything?  Never.  He said “gimme, gimme”  and “mine, mine” and “why is my penis so much smaller than the other boys?”  And now he will probably be your president.

“Hulk Smash!  Hulk Smash!!!”

I know, Hulk.  It disturbs me as well.  What can I tell you?  Nothing.  Because you are a giant, green-skinned behemoth with only rudimentary language skills.  I’m talking about the real Hulk, not the new, wanker Hulk.  I do not recognize any Hulk’s existence unless that Hulk is pretty much nothing but a mindless brute bent on destruction.  Hulk Smash or nothing.  Why ruin a good thing?

No gratitude, that’s why.  And what was the reward?  They made a bunch of movies with the Hulk in it and everybody got rich.  Except for the Hulk.

“Hulk Smash!!!  Hulk Smash!!!”

On the other hand, a hillbilly in a rusty truck turned right in front of me yesterday.  Luckily, due to the MO’s superior reflexes and driving ability, I remain unscathed.

You know who that hillbilly is voting for?

Hulk Smash.  Hulk Smash.  Hulk Smash.

Thank you, Hulk.