You know what you don’t see much these days (pun intended)?  Peeping Toms.  Do you remember when that was a thing?  Hohohoho.  The good old days.  Before society lost its moral compass and started down the path to liberal hedonism.  Bastards.

Fox News says to bring god back into our lives.  I say, where the hell has he been?  He’s the all powerful being, not the MO.  The MO is more on the level of demi-god; sort of like Hercules but with a laptop.  No swabbing out any shitty stables for this demi-god.  Eff you, Hercules.  Swarthy, Greek SOB.  Speaking of hedonism, the Greeks thought being a homo was just fine.  There they are, right on the corner of Haight/Ashburyopolous, fornicating as pretty as you please.  Wrong kind of swordplay, Leonidas.  Abominable, one might say.

Anyway, Peeping Tom-manship is on the dwindle.  I suppose it is because of the Internet.  Why stare into your neighbor girl’s window when you can see Hot Asian Chicks any time you want?  I guess if your neighbor is a Hot Asian Chick, you might be tempted.  But what are the chances of that?  Well, pretty fair if you live in China.  But I digress.

The best Peeping Tom ever in fiction?  John Belushi in Animal House.  Hahahaha.  It was so funny when he was on that ladder watching those girls undress.  And then he fell into the bushes!  Second funniest part of Animal House?  How about when they go into the bar full of black people and joke about apes?  You just can’t find that kind of humor these days.

Because we have lost god.  I hope we can find him.  I looked in the wood pile earlier today.  Not there.  Only wood and some lethargic insects.  Winter is coming and that’s the end for those crawly fellows.  In your face!

Does a centipede really have a face?  I mean I know they have a head and a tail.  But I am not sure they have anything that qualifies as a face.  Centipedes could never be Peeping Toms no matter how hard they tried.  Though that might make a good children’s book.

“Centipedy Wants a Face.”

For the liberal crowd we could have “Wormy has a Dad and a Mom All in One (Isn’t that Fun?).”

“God is Lost.  Maria Sees Him in her Toast.”  Maybe that doesn’t qualify as a children’s book.   Though one could argue the Bible does.  If one were so inclined.  Which I am not.  This essay is about Peeping Toms.

The Nerds from Revenge of the Nerds were Peeping Toms.  Looking through the hole in the shower.  They probably got that idea from those scamps in Porky’s.  Every time I hear a wolf howl, I think of that movie.

Revenge of the Nerds also made date rape acceptable.  As long as you are wearing a Darth Vader mask.  Caveat emptor in that case.  The same rule applies if your date is wearing a Twisty the Clown mask.

Anyway, nostalgia is fun.  But the wheels of time roll ever forward.

You also can’t food fight in school these days.  Automatic expulsion.  The godless age has no need for Double Secret Probation.  The end is nigh.